Race Recap: 2011 Dances with Dirt - Hell

Welcome to Hell!

Why do I feel so at home here? 

Hell, Michigan that is. Of course the creators of the Dances With Dirt 100k relay race series do their best to make you feel like you are in the other Hell.

I have always been interested in the Dances with Dirt races, and I'm a big fan of Running Fit, the creators of this race and many other great ones. In fact they are the same people that put on the Run Woodstock 50k that I ran two weeks ago. So when Julie asked if I wanted to be on a team this year, I jumped at the chance.

Andrea and Julie, our wonderful captain.

 Since she had been on a team in the past we were able to get one of the coveted spots. Team "Who Has The Runs" was going to Hell.

Three other DWD newbies joined our team, Jerry, Andrea, and Mike.

They are smiling because they don't know what lies ahead.

On the morning of the race we all met up in the mall parking lot to pack up our vehicle. Its a good thing that the women made a last minute decision to change the team vehicle from an Escape to a mini van. The extra room came in very handy.

Dude, don't get your chocolate in my peanut butter.

We got to Half Moon Beach without any incidents and found a great parking spot. With only 20 minutes before the start of the race we decided to divide and conquer. Julie and I would head to registration.

Julie making friends where ever she goes.

Jerry would try to figure out how to get to Silver Moon Beach using our incredibly large map (Andrea stayed in the van to keep warm).

"I think we drive from my left nipple to my pancreas"

Mike, the runner of leg one, would head towards the starting line.

Mike is behind the guy wearing the tie and next to the Ninja Turtle Girl

Before we knew it the the race was under way. Mike was running " The Stampede" with everything he had. I'll let him tell you about it:

"Slow down your heart is going to explode - you cant run 8.5 mph (as I looked at my watch feeling my heart palpitating). NOT ANOTHER F@^*%G hill!!! (this ran through my mind about every 5 MINUTES) and since this was the first leg of the race, people could see what place you were in so when I couldn't see anyone behind me I kept thinking 'don't be last, don't be last, Damn you slow poke DON'T BE LAST!!' - and then when it was over 'try not to puke' (I pushed way too hard).

In a true running zone, Mike tagged Jerry for the exchange but kept on running. We eventually stopped him as Jerry sped off.

Mike and Jerry's first exchange.

Here is what Jerry has to say about his leg. "Buttslider"

'I was having a great time passing people and running through shoe sucking mud. I thought if I felt this good the whole day I was going to have a lot of fun doing the same in other legs and keep Scott from being a cheating bastard.'

Now it was my turn to get ready. I tried to get ready in private but somebody had to peek.

I think Mike may have liked what he saw because he was getting a little fresh as we waited for Jerry. 

Thankfully Jerry arrived quickly and I ran away as fast as I could.

Jerry and Scott's first exchange.

My first leg was called "Rave Run (Less)" and it was only 2.5 miles and supposed to be one of the easier legs to run. With this in mind and the excitement of the day, I took off way too fast. At first I thought everything was going be fine. I was passing people at a good pace and the heart rate wasn't too high. Then the hills came. Where in the hell did these come from? Nobody said anything about hills. As I was running down a particularly steep hill, I realized that this was a loop and I would have to run up the hill on my return. Son of B..! Eventually I made around the loop, back up the steep hill and back to Silver Moon Beach where Julie was waiting, at the top of another hill.

I ran up the hill and tagged her so she could start her first leg "Potto". Here is what she says about her run.

'This trail had beautiful scenery. The early morning fog drifted over the lakes as I passed. I crossed a few wooden bridges. It was very pretty!! I met a nice lady from Kentucky who's watch beeped every mile, letting me know my distance since I didn't have my ipod nike plus.'

When Julie finished her leg, her and Andrea hugged as their relay exchange. It was cute but I'm pretty sure none of us guys were going to hug each other.

Julie and Andrea's first exchange

Now it was Andrea's turn for her first leg "Purgatory". Here is what she had to say about it.

'Despite stepping on a bee hive and being stung in the first mile, Purgatory was my favorite leg. This run had an awesome mix of challenging hills (mostly long, steady increases versus steep stripper-pole types). Purgatory was also the most scenic of all three of my legs. This course took you through woods like the others but also took you out into the open, on bridges over wetlands, and up (up, up, up) the country roads of Pinckney. Since runners weren't constantly in danger of loosing life and limb, you could look up from the ground now and then and enjoy the beauty of the surroundings.'

We should have taken her bee sting and losing a contact as an omen because that is when DWD started having its way with us.

This half dollar sized sting swells to baseball size the next day

The next victim was to be Mike as he started his second leg "This Sucks". Here are his words.

I love the runs that are not the norm. This was the dirtiest run I have ever done by far! Very challenging and I had to really push to get through it. I ran for about 2 miles through the woods/swamp, there was no real path just flags in the trees you had to follow. It was truly a rump through deep, smelly, disgusting soot, that in places was up to your waist. The thought that went through my head, "who the hell came up with this", You have got to be F#%@g kidding me", "I think I'm going to die in the swamp from hell", "why do I enjoy this so much, its so fun!"

Unfortunately the swamp slowed Mike down a little too much and Jerry had to take off before Mike could make the exchange due to the time cut off for some legs. So with a hearty "I'm a cheating bastard!" Jerry took off on his next leg.

Jerry "Cheating Bastard" Buffington

About 8 minutes later Mike showed up looking pretty nasty.

But after his beer and bath with a woman he never met. He was feeling a lot better.

While Mike was washing away his troubles, Jerry was having some of his own. Here is what he says about "Stripper Pole"

'I think this was the most challenging and therefore most interesting of my 3 legs because of all the steep inclines and declines. The steepest hill on the course for which I think the leg may have been named was like climbing a very steep stairway that burned your quads to no end. The ground was maybe only foot or less from my face. The declines were also fun. I found myself looking for every tree within reach to control my decent. My achilles and plantar fascia started getting sore which I've been having trouble with since July so I slowed down a bit. Still got back just in time so Scott didn’t have to be a cheating bastard so I was happy about that. He said he was all prepared with a crowd of people ready to send him off as a cheater.'

Jerry soaking his bothersome achilles.

He's right. I had a whole group of people all worked up and ready to yell, "WE ARE ALL CHEATING BASTARDS" but just two minutes before it was to occur I saw Jerry. "Sorry, guys" I said you'll have to cheat without me. And off I ran for my second leg "Styx, River of Death"

The first thought that came to mind as I started on these trails was. "These are the same trails I did during the 50k, this is pretty cool." Then things started to get messy and I thought "great they saved some mud from the 50k as well."  My spirits lifted when I saw the river. I love running in the water, so my enjoyment continued for the next several river crossings. After the last crossing the ground became extremely unfriendly. Fallen trees and black muck slowed me down considerably. Eventually I came to the end of the leg where I was to actually running in the river, against the current. I could have run in the shallower edges of the river but the the bridge above me was filled with people that would boo you unless you ran through the deepest part. My love for entertaining a crowd not only kept me in the middle of the river, but influenced me to actually dive under the water.

As I tried to get a hug from the devil, Julie started her second leg "Bad Out of Hell"

'Bat out of hell was a hard run!  It was so much harder than I was expecting. Roller coaster twists and turns threatened injury. There were times we were running a narrow trail along side of big hill. I knew that if I fell I was going to fall hard and far. I'm not sure what was at the bottom of the hill, I was too afraid to look.'

Unfortunately Julie was just mere minutes too late and Andrea had to be a "cheating bastard" as she took off for "Rave Redux".

'This run taught me that all 2.5 mile runs are not created equally. Rave offered runners endless steep inclines & treacherous descents, loose rocks, logs, roots and a very narrow path that made passing dangerous if possible at all. Definite danger of losing life or limb if you look up from the trail. I think my exact thoughts were "Don't fall. Watch the flags. Don't twist your ankle. Don't fall. Geez, how much farther........That was only 2.5 miles?"

Now our team was racing the clock and the clock was winning. Three minutes before Andrea finished Mike had become a cheating bastard as well as he headed out for "Xodus" his last leg.

'Most of this was leg of the race was on the same path as my first leg, so there was no surprises on what was coming up, which made the run a little boring since i basically just ran it earlier in the day.'

Mike rocked his last leg, finishing a lot faster than we were giving him credit for. Unfortunately he was not fast enough to keep the cheating bastard, Jerry, from becoming a repeat offender as he headed out on "Vertigo" with a tender tendon.

'Although this was listed as the most challenging leg of the race, I didn’t find it as interesting as the previous two. There were a couple of cool, steep declines but most of the inclines were long and gradual (gradual by DWD standards anyway). Nothing memorable like the stripper pole hill, buttslider decent or mud. It definitely would have been more challenging though if I were running a quicker pace. My heel was pretty sore and I had to basically just hobble through it. I was asking anyone near me with GPS how far we had to go yet since I just wanted it to be over with. Getting stung by a bee in the first 10 minutes didn’t help me like this leg any better. Actually, Andrea was nice enough to drive and I didn’t want her to be the only to get stung. Scott got to be a cheating bastard this time.'

I did get to be a cheating bastard this time, but it was bittersweet since it was caused by Jerry's injury. So without much fanfare I headed out for my final leg "The Stupid Lake"

This leg started out pretty nice with some decent trail running that was followed by nice dirt roads. My legs were pretty sore from the river run, but I felt I was running a good pace. Then I hit the stupid lake. It's impossible to run when going through a lake in water that averaged three feet in depth. Even though I was able to pass quite a few people in the lake, I did it at a very slow pace. After the lake was more trail and a little more road. According to the girl in front of me we only had a half mile left. "Was that the crowd I hear?."  My pace quickened, then greatly slowed when I saw I had to climb my biggest hill of the day before I could finish my leg. In my opinion this leg should be changed to "The Stupid Lake and F@*&%G Hill".

By the time I had finished my final leg, Julie had already become a cheating bastard and had been running "Don't Get No Better" for almost 10 minutes. Julie didn't have anything she wanted to say about his leg. She did tell us it was a pretty easy run, even on tired legs

Julie finishing her final leg. Is that guy checking her out? 

Andrea had no time to wait for Julie to complete her last leg. We were so far behind the clock that she had to hop out of the car and start running "Dirt's Revenge" right away.

'This run was high on roller coaster and treachery factors. You couldn't take your eyes off of the ground in front of your feet except to watch for the markers. It was much like the Rave Redux in intensity and difficulty but offered the promise of the finish line at the end. The last mile of this run consisted of running through sandy trail (difficult on weak legs) and possible confusion/disorientation when the course took you off of the trail/path. Participants were most friendly on this leg. The grassy downhill run to the finish line was awesome. What was I thinking? "I can do this...I can do this...seriously, another f**ing hill? I can do this.."

A happy Andrea finishes the race.

The whole team joined up with her, as we crossed the finish line together, got our medals, then sat in the parking lot enjoying what tasted like the best pizza ever.

I know the post was long, but I hope it was informational and entertaining. Team Who Has The Runs has more to say so look for a "DWD: After Thoughts" post coming soon.